Not a champion, but a professional-I have learned to disengage and run like the best of 'em. I'm tired now, have been for quite some time. Unable to find justifiable reasons anymore, because the hedge of illusion has been removed. Talked to a friend yesterday who told me he was getting married, I aptly replied: "Shut the f@ck up!" Only because I never thought I would see the day that he committed himself to something more than himself and his career. After that conversation I was left numb--thinking about all that I lose sight of much too easily. I wonder about being Him for you and what that would entail. Is that the next step to take? All of this lip service I've given about being loved unconditionally and when those conditions are present I become callous or distant, as if I'm protecting myself. From what I'm inclined to ask, but that wouldn't be authentic nor original. I am a conservative monogamist by chart, however it appears that there are some latent fears that override my inheritance. There is a piece of history that I have yet to fully come to terms with, and it continues to neutralize my passion for risk. Disallowing my heart to discover freedom again *sigh1*.
i want to spend my words wisely, writing for you melodies
that appeal to your sense of sound and sweetness.
discarding your reservations of the unknown.
editing the reality that you have so uncomfortably sewn.
i want to be that renewal that sustains commitment and desire-
that renewal which repopulates your spirit with infants of inspiration...
so that we may grow and develop a family of artists
destined to change this quadrant of the cosmos.
Somehow I'm dissatisfied with the way I breathe these days, the air is absent of your fragrance. What if I see you again so that my asthma can be cured? *sigh2* I often wonder if you have the fortitude to deal with my nonsense and pathology--or are you misinformed about who I am. How can I lie despondent when the architect of hope rests in the balance of our dreams? I can deliberate over those questions no longer. I need to either take the damn exam or walk away a la David Ruffin. Be brave and defy logic, odds, enemies and fuckery.
1 comment:
damn you and your way with words. it will come boo. i promise you it will. if anything, i've learned that i run fastest when i am racing myself. i think it's high time that we stopped running arif and finally allow whatever is chasing us/behind us to catch up with us ya know...?
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